The call to ship life

I woke one morning “knowing” that I was moving to Australia.

I woke up with a deep intuitive knowing that  I was going to be extended and pushed out of my comfort zone into  new experiences and environments. At the time, I was living in Wellington, New Zealand — and I had a very happy lifestyle. It was a 5-minute walk to the beach where I went kayaking,  swimming, and walking with a great community around me. I loved it. I had a great garden and was living off the land. Weekends were spent hiking and mountain biking with friends in the Tararuas, and I was only an hour’s drive from Wellington to go to shows, see bands, and get a city fix. I had every intention of caring on working as a social worker and researched Australian social policies and issues for weeks. Letting go isn’t easy.

Once in oz, I started travelling up the east coast, applying for work in government departments. I had a great time on Magnetic island, Townsville and Cairns. But around this time, the money ran out faster than I anticipated. It was such a slow, slow response from government departments, so I applied for a chef’s position in the mines as I completed my City and Guild trade tickets as a chef in my 20s.

Within 3 weeks, I was working as a chef in Karratha. OMG what a shock! It was hard work and the place was full of testosterone. It was like living on another planet — heavy, harsh dense energy, trying to fit in with the people and environment. I wasn’t coping. It was against my nature and I was in a constant state of OMG. I was shocked that mines paid 20 thousand more than a social worker !!!

I started asking, calling from my heart: “What’s my purpose of working in a mine site?”  Once centered and grounded in my heart again, I started sensing and feeling the wairua from the desert. She’s feminine soft, warm, and very beautiful. I was connecting and being called.

After 2 years and very unhappy with the job and environment I was in, I heard a loud commanding voice in meditation saying, “You weren’t born to work and pay bills.” “This is not living or life.”

Wow, this made me stop and think. Initially, I was trying for a job on an oil rig, just because of the stories I’d heard from others, equal time roster which would allow me to travel. I also agreed with myself, “I’m single at present and if I’m not going to have kids, I want a life of adventure, to do everything I’ve always wanted.”

I had been trying to get work offshore without any luck, and then an opportunity arose from the company I was working for, so I took it. After weeks and months of HR dicking me around, I then came to the conclusion that if I am to work offshore, I need to hand my notice in and fully trust 100% in the universe that it will support me. I need to trust that spirit, life will support me, that I am supported, to know it, feel it deep within my soul, that I can and deserve a lifestyle that I’ve only heard about.

It was scary — so scary — not to have regular income or to know where or how my bills were going to be paid. Even though I didn’t have a mortgage, kids, etc., etc., I could feel all my foundations cracking and my beliefs around stability and how I put so much of my energy into controlling and keeping myself/life together to feel safe.

The journey began smashing open my old concepts of “If I’m not ‘in control,’ I’m not safe” and then my intuitive part of me saying “surrender and trust.”

During the 8 weeks, I was waiting for that call to work offshore. I was turned inside out, releasing my ego, surrendering to the unknown, processing fear and limited beliefs from childhood. Man, it was the lowest emotional energetic place I’d been in years, doubting had I done the right thing by handing in my notice. I’d question myself why did I had to be different, why couldn’t I just be happy with my lot in life. My head was filled with negative thoughts of you can’t have more than your parents and siblings and who do you think you are. Life was meant to be a struggle.

“Far out,” I’d tell myself. “That’s old thinking, I can change these subconscious messages that I believed once.” It was like pushing and burning up in a mesosphere atmosphere to another level of life. Beautiful loyal friends were on the end of the phone reassuring me it will happen. Keep trusting; breathe through your tears.

During a meditation, I saw a boat surrounded in pink light. I then had a feeling this is where I am to work, I relaxed and waited. I was like a dog with a bone applying for work — I never gave up.

After reading The Kingdom of the Gods by Geoffrey Hodson where he introduces the Devic  and  Deva realms, which is a sanskrit word meaning “shining ones” which refers to their self-luminous appearance who associate more with nature than man. All the world’s indigenous people and nations have folklore of beings not normally visible.  I was curious, and started wondering if there was a Deva  for the oil, how would that work, what would they look, feel, sound like. Was  there a ranking kind of system? Who and what is the overlighting Deva? Will they grace me with her/his presence? I would sit in meditation trying to connect to marine life, the wairua of the ocean. Besides drowning myself in my own tears and self pity, I’d read mythology of Tangaroa, Maori god of the sea, mermaids, mermen, stories of Atlantis, sea spirits. I loved it, It made me feel light, fun and very wild and alive.

The call came. It certainly was an adventure working and living on the boat for the first time. I was excited and nervous — you know that feeling when you’re scared, but excited. It was a fantastic feeling when I got on the ship. We were steaming out of the harbour. I felt and saw dolphins and whale energy torpedoing alongside the ship. I felt connected a welcome and an amazing feeling of ecstatic joy. I was so excited I felt so wanted and supported by marine life.

That first day on the high seas was rough, real rough. I spewed, spewed and spewed more. I still had to cook lunch for 18 men, no sympathy here, and I knew it. Everything felt like a test; like I was being tested all the time to see if I was worthy of their unspoken expectations about my cooking skills, the food I served, and what kind of women was I. I found it interesting that no one really spoke to me for over a week.

I was so on edge at first. I just watched and listened to what was said, learning the lingo and protocol offshore. I allowed my confidence and personality to shine and steered my way through a routine living on the boat. Days washed in and out, never knowing what day was what.

The personalities, being heard and speaking up all pushed my buttons while floating around on the Indian ocean. No matter what went on in the ship with the men, I knew deep in the bowels of the the earth I was supposed to be there. My heart was overflowing with gratitude at the opportunity. Yet, I truly didn’t know what I was in  for working offshore…


How I Came to Communicate with Nature

My intention for writing this blog is to allow full expression from my soul and to be of service to our ever beautiful mother Earth.

When explaining my calling and intentions of why I work offshore, people often ask me lots of questions about living on a supply ship to the oil and gas industry. So I will also be sharing my stories of working on a ship surrounded by men, traveling the world.

My first memories of communing with nature were as a child. At stressful times (which were a lot), I’d take off to the garden and sit under the trees. I could feel and sense wisps of light and movement around me. I would wonder what’s that? I’d feel sensations on my face and would feel soothed by these energies.

As I grew up, I’d take off into nature more. I started hiking in the Southern Alps in New Zealand, hearing the voices of the accent stones and monuments of the Alps. The more I trusted and listened to my intuition, and the more I allowed my sensitive part of myself come to the light, increased sensations and magic happened within my inner world and the environments.

For instance: one time, a friend and I were meandering around Castle rocks an hour or two out of Christchurch. I went and layed on a goliath of a rock and all of a sudden — I was taken aback to being a baby in a womb. I was in a red and black enviroment, and I sensed to follow the umbilical cord. I was taken to a place that I saw myself laying kumara skins onto a wound and tying it up with a rough cloth made of mokamoka, looking down at the hard packed earth I had bare feet, a pui pui skirt, and a cloak wrapped around me. I was brown skinned and felt happy, I felt myself saying prayers or chanting, thanking the leaves and trees for their medicine.

I came back knowing and feeling I was connected to the land and a healer.

Later, in my mid-twenties, I was active in a Seven Rays Meditation group. This form of meditation is based on the influence of the ascended masters of the seven rays. eEach master has specific energies or a concept. (For example,  the first ray has a concept of  will or power; the colour is red; the astrological sign these energies rule are Taurus and Pisces.)

As a group, we would use our intent to focus and use visualization to call in Master Morya and Manu to  bring in this energy to us in the group to influence everything with in us and our environments. With these beautiful souls that heard the call to heal self and our mother, Papatuinuki.  (After 20 years of being friends, they still hold earth healing meditation weekly to this day.)  I know these souls are from my star family. They helped me to trust and heal deeper to bring back the messages and share.

Depending on the master and ray of the week, I would experience the walls of the hall expanding beyond the limitations of physical matter, as well as my mind and heart. These  were truly amazing times being of service to spirit. At these times, I felt like I was one with the whole of life, messages from my tipuna, ancestors that walked before me and mother nature wisping and unlocking energetic emotional blocks within my physical body and heart, we were one.

Trees would release their secrets, plants would scream at me to ask the owners to water more, change it to a bigger pot or crystals would ask to be put outside in the moon or rain for cleaning. It felt like all of nature was wanting to communicate, buzzing with life at the chance of being heard. It felt so natural so real and alive. The visions I saw and messages I received felt so connected to a bigger energy than my little self.

It was such a secret world that I’d only talk to trusted friends about these experiences, for fear of being judged and criticised.

Then, a friend lent me a book called The Findhorn Community. The Findhorn Community started in 1962 by Peter and Eileen Caddy and Dorothy Maclean. All three had followed disciplined spiritual paths for many years. The basis of the garden was (and still is) working in harmony and co-creation with nature, where it became famous for growing 40 pound cabbages in the harshest environments in Scotland.

Dorothy discovered she was able to intuitively contact the overlighting spirits of plants – which she called angels, and then devas – who gave her instructions on how to make the most of their garden. She and Peter translated this guidance into action, and with amazing results. From the barren sandy soil of the Findhorn Bay Caravan Park grew huge plants, herbs and flowers of dozens of kinds, most famously the now-legendary 40-pound cabbages.  I drunk those words, the emotions of joy that came up. These people created a thriving eco community committed to their spiritual path  expanding the garden in harmony with nature.

These conscious dedicated souls were directed in meditation by nature spirits what to do, how to do it and when to do it. I love this. Trust, trusting that we are looked after. I love how when we listen to our heart and let ourselves be guided by father/mother/God anything is possible. What messages do the oil devas want to share, our mother herself?

I feel the deep yearning in myself to live more in accordance with papatuanuku, my heart, mind and soul. How about you?